This is something I've wanted to share on my personal page for a really long time. (I'm sharing here too.) I've almost uploaded this old photo with a new one about a zillion times, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was ashamed.
The picture on the left is me in 2011. I remember when I was tagged in it. I saw it and started crying because I kept thinking, "Dear God. Am I really that big? I can't be!"
I've struggled with weight my entire life. My. Entire. Life. I was always chunky in elementary school and middle school. Then I lost a good bit my freshman year. My sophomore year, I went to the "Welcome Back" dance and people thought I was a new student. I'd lost THAT much weight. Then my senior year, I started gaining again. I lost some for my wedding. Then I gained it after that.
When I found out I was pregnant with Bug in late 2009, I was 215 lbs. (I'm 5'8".) After I had him, I was 264. (That's what I weighed in the picture on the left.)
I was so ashamed of myself. I kept waiting for my husband to run away because HOW could he want to look at someone like me everyday.
I was DETERMINED to lose the baby weight plus some. So, I started dieting. I did decent because I had a lot to lose. Then I tried diet pills. I dropped a good bit with them until they started messing with my heart and I had to stop. That was back in 2012. Since then, I've struggled. I would lose 10 lbs and then put it back on. Lose it again. Repeat. Finally, I got fed up with it. I would much rather be skinny than eat a Snickers. I started dieting hardcore. I started drinking (usually coffee) instead of eating when I felt hungry. Slowly, the weight started coming off.
The picture on the right was taken in May 2014. As of now, I've lost almost 90 lbs. (Yes, I'm telling you my weight - 180. Shush it. I know I'm still overweight.)
I've worked my ass off these past three years. It's been really hard and I've cried over my weight more than once.
I'm extremely self-conscious. I hate my weight, my looks, my voice, MY NOSE. I've always been this way. BUT I'm working on it. I'm trying to be healthier and accept myself for who I am. I'm trying to stop scrutinizing every photo I see of myself, pointing out all of my flaws.
The point of this post is to tell those of you struggling with weight issues not to give up.
YOU. CAN. DO. IT. If I can do it, anyone can. I'm not just saying that to say it either.
I see so many people down on themselves for being heavy. It's hard to walk around, constantly wondering if someone is laughing at you. Trust me, I know.
I still have more weight to lose. I know this. But I'm not giving up. I have 30 lbs to go before I'm at my goal weight. If I can make it there, I will have lost almost 120 lbs.
I don't normally post personal things to my author page (because I know you all want to hear about books, not me) but I did want to share this with you guys. I want people to see that they CAN do it. You just have to keep fighting. Yes, I'm embarrassed beyond belief to post it, but if it helps someone else, I'm willing to do it.
Good luck to everyone battling right along with me.